15 April 2006

In Iran, our favourite theocracy's been monitoring text messages sent by mobile [cell] phones for some time, but now the level-headed President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has personally lodged a formal complaint with the judiciary. It's rumoured he was sent some sms satire about himself - writes Robert Tait in The Guardian. "Particular attention is being paid to jokes comparing Iran's nuclear programme with sex. Several people are widely believed to have received court summonses for sending nuclear-related jokes."

Hearing this, I had to write some.

Q: How many centrifuges does it take an Iranian nuclear scientist to make low-enriched uranium?
A: 164 to separate the uranium-235 isotope from the U-238 in the gaseous uranium hexafluoride, and 1 to change the light bulb.

Q: Why is Iran's nuclear weapons programme like oral sex?
A: Because it's a constant source of preoccupation, but it's going to take a long time coming.

Q: What's the difference between President Ahmadinejad's foreign policy in Iraq and a Yemeni packet of crisps?
A: One helps the Sheik assaulting and the other has the Sultans shaking.

Q: What's the best way to eliminate a disgraceful stain on the Islamic world?
A: Take a runcible spoon [spork] and repeatedly poke President Ahmadinejad with it, shouting "potty-mouth", until he apologises.

Q: What's the difference between President Ahmadinejad and an Iranian nuclear warhead?
A: One's a phallus without a payload and the other's a symbol of national pride.

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